Much about where we go is influenced by where we have been. Sweet cousin Cathy tells me I should write it down. It feels daunting to track 52 years of movement. The same things that have enriched my life – the travel, living among other cultures, the people I have met (so many I have forgotten many names) make it very challenging to think about accomplishing this goal. And yet, today I started…didn’t get far, but the first steps are as important as all the rest.
Thoughts from past years
Telling my story
I think I had started to become daunted by the process of meeting someone and feeling like there has been so much life before this moment, so many experiences, people, connections triumphs and struggles that brought me to this point….how would I ever go about explaining all of that to someone new?
Then, out of the blue, I find myself in that exact position. Laughing at his stories; freely sharing mine.
I am beginning to think it less a chore and more a joy as we explore each other through our pasts in all the tarnished glory, the laughter filled present, and the hints of possibilities for tomorrow and beyond.
Smiling. Smiling.
Closing out 2011
September marked the passing of my pops. I will save the long story for those who know me enough to ask (if you really want to know) over an adult beverage sometime, and just add that it was a consuming change.
Not because there was so much to do, I mean, there was a lot to do but a good list and keeping notes helps that process along, but becuase it changes the day to day. For mom, for me, for friends – the world looks different when a loved one passes.
The pup and I keep moving forward. God I love that furry face. She never tells my secrets. 🙂
Friends are well, and the work front likely holds 6 more years for me – I had hoped to start the full time artist gig sooner, but number crunching tells me the extra years at the county will prove their worth many times over.
Still, I look for ways to keep creating, and I am currently signing up to be considered as an artist for a contest (of sorts) that asks for 10 pieces, 90% of the materials coming from landfill (yep – the dump!) and I am super excited. More news on that should I get selected.
Already over a week into 2012, I set the following intentions:
- Identify and hold my gratitudes DAILY – hourly if it is hard
- Spend quality time with family and friends
- Assess the ways I can grow and take action
- Breath deeply
- Listen more
- Eat good food
- And always choose love, not fear
How does time pass so quickly?
Should be heading to bed; I was talked into a “you are certain to get wet and muddy” 5k obstacle course tomorrow – though for a good cause – what was I thinking?
My yard looks awesome – there are always more projects, but the pruning is so so so much better.
I need to write more. Make more art. Breath deeper. Count my blessings. Keep walking forward.
Smiling, I am calling it a day.
Clarity
I am doing what I need to to be clear. Sure. While at the same time dreaming and visioning the future I want. I like to think that we can have it all – all the things that bring us joy, especially the parts where that feeling comes from bringing joy to the lives of others.
It isn’t about predicting, it is about setting clear intentions, and then making the choices that lead us to the desired outcome.
I know how to do that. I have done it. I am doing it right now; I just want to make sure I know what I want for the future.
For the present, making this tanish gray furball that curls up next to me and stares at me through bright yellow eyes, happy – giving her a good life in exchange for all the times she has been a patient listener, is a pretty darn good place to be.
I am grateful to have a career I love; that I do fairy well, that gives me a chance to influence lives of others positively.
I am grateful to be healthy, surrounded by family and friends who I love and I know love me.
I am grateful for my connection to spirit, and the world, and all the live and love in it.
I am grateful to know who I am at my core, even if I don’t always know where I am going in the moment.
at the airport…again
Funny, as much as I like travel, the back to back thing is not my gig. I need down time to recharge and I am not sure my battery is full. Seems especially hard since though I know this training for Rotary president is required, the timing is just bad.
San Jose of all places…oh well, it isn’t like I will have time to explore even if it had been somewhere more exciting.
I am craving time to relax at home, play with the pooch, mosaic, and have true calm and unscheduled time with Mark. Trying to pry visits in during the midst of a busy week wasn’t great for either of us.
ok… they are calling the flight. Paste on a smile, remember the mission of Rotary and why I love the great things it does and stands for.
Buck up Buttercup.
gratitude
maybe after the phone call to the doctor, I will shift, and rather than admit the pain, each time I think of it I will announce something I am grateful for.
I am so very grateful it was only one arm. For example.
Montana Adventure and the story of why my arm hurts sooooo much
ok – so as I write this I am actually in Upham North Dakota. My arm is severely broken, the upper arm sporting a new rod from shoulder to elbow, and my shattered wrist held together with a plate and close to a dozen screws. I have been off work since September 10th, and we are well into October…what the heck? don’t fall down a stairwell – that is what I have to say about that!
Left Mark’s place in Sisters on October 7th and have been through Washington, Idaho, Montana and now North Dakota – heading back to Montana for Mark to hunt deer and antelope.
The pup, Izzy, has been enjoying the trip and maturing, though she has yet to point a bird…which is her job during the bird hunting!!! She has found and fetched a few, and I love her crazy.
Mark has been amazing taking care of the dogs and me and there has been so much scenery along the way…gorgeous. Facebook now sports close to 100 photos of the adventure so far. and the most exciting news is come February, I will be headed to Austin Texas to see my mosaic, Albacore Tuna on Dock, in the Mosaic Arts International show. I can’t believe it got in the show and I can’t wait to see it in the gallery. I will include a photo!
my potential SAMA project
What gets into my brain to make me try to do stuff that A) I have not done before, B) I haven’t researched the process for, and C) could wind up being a lot of time spent with no useable end?
I want so much to be excited about this mosaic, but I keep finding that I can only do it in tiny little steps, and each step closer to actually putting glass on it, winds up pointing to some other inbetween step that I hadnt thought about.
Maybe it is just too hot to be doing this…
On a totally different topic…I am so crazy in love I can hardly stand it.
writing again, for real
I got the gift story done…a combination of the old one bracketed by inspiration from the life and times of this snakewoman and a fanciful thread to connect it all. Based on the reaction of the two that have read it so far, it is a success!
This weekend the pup goes to college – learning to hunt and hold birds, and then to fetch when they are shot. I will get time to have the carpets cleaned and yard work done…but I will miss her furry face.
New love though, makes up for missing the dog, and then some!
Back to it – the writing spawns a deep desire to do more…I want extra hours in the day, I have ideas, I could see writing a story that is accented with the mosaics…
Mostly, my life is feeling more balanced, more filled with love and light and purpose than I can recall. I am healthy and happy and truly grateful.
The things we see
Just realizing it is time to start the inward journey…off tomorrow, home with the pup and new man. With the women on Saturday. My head is already moving that direction.
oh my good golly does time fly…
Facebook apparently draws one away from the prose and more detailed blog updates. But then maybe, I just forgot about this. It’s time though…good exercise to write more regularly, and maybe move away from the FB all things Isabella, all the time. A bit more of the personal here.
ok…finding it, remembering my log in, saying hello…its a start.
Reconnection.
Hello.
I am doing fine, thank you, and will expand on that soon.
in the Philippines
to minimize redundancy, please stay tuned to the travel blog and I will return to my personal blog after I get home.
http://tagalogtravelblog.blogspot.com/
be well!
My life is remarkable.
I am not sure if it is possible to not wake up in complete gratitude for this life. But it doesn’t matter. I am happy to have so very much to be grateful for. Time for work, so I will leave it at that for now.
9 days and counting
hard to believe – but I am having bittersweet feelings about leaving for a month. Crazy talk, eh? I am just so happy. But the month will speed by, at least for me. Philippines, I am coming back!!
I will learn to row it…
of course, this is an advertisement for a brand new drift boat…but I so want to learn to row them…what an amazing weekend
departure is getting closer
and it is bittersweet. I am excited to be going back to the Philippines, really I am. And yet, I never expected that I would be thinking how much I would like to be spending this coming month tucked in some cabin in the woods, or traipsing around Alaska, or fishing anywhere or relaxing on the beach or even just snuggled up, watching movies with him. It is all good, it just draws out all the scary wonderful vulnerable places I didn’t expect to surface again.
Makes life interesting, right?
42 days….
I am both excited to be returning to the Philippines and thinking about how much better good experiences are when shared…sure didn’t expect to be sorting through all these feelings on the 2nd day of the new year! Not that I am complaining!
Focus on the beauty of it all, and how quickly a month passes. Right? Who knew how quickly these last 2 months would wiz by…big sigh.
Snow 2008….I miss it already
’nuff said.
Christmas eve, full of snow and potential
What an amazing last couple of weeks. Hard to even capture all the joy and excitement and feelings of hope and potential for the future. I am spending this holiday in the present, embracing the bliss and wonder of things that feel like they are happening the right way. For once? Has it been a lifetime of getting to this place? Lots to consider, but none of it is bad.
thinking about snowy escapes – small cabins with warmth from a fire, happy people, snuggling pup, trips outside to throw snowballs and simple hearty foods…and of course, the most amazing kisses.
maybe one of these???
A week before Christmas and all through the house
I am just living in the present and loving every moment. I think this is how it is suppose to feel. Who knew?
It’s December….tomorrow
I can’t get over how quickly time is flying. Crazy, really.
Have to post the beautiful steelhead…and let me just say, I am blissed out these days.
grateful grateful grateful….I don’t want to lose sight of it for a moment.
More of the fish!!
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I mean really – the boat goes in here?
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Brad’s friend and our shuttle hero
Can you see it down there??
Brad and Kelsey with the first fish of the day
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Sunday November 16th was one of those extraordinary days where the weather, the friends, and the adventure came together to make a day of delight and wonder. Brad and Kelsey invited me to fish from their drift boat. We left their place around 6am and explored several options for the best waters. Picking a drift boat launch that in no way resembled (to me) a place to put a boat in the water – think steep slope, tress and shrubs and barely a place to pull off along side of the road – and the next thing I know, Brad says, “Push” and there goes the boat, crashing down down down toward the water. Right up till it decided to turn right, into the trees.
The slope was such that I navigated to the stopping point by way of my bum in on the wet leaves a few times, but remarkably, everything was still tucked neatly inside, there was no damage, and a few heaves and hos and poof – the boat was in the water.
Shuttle the rig to the take out point, and we were fishing.
Brad had obviously taught Kelsey well, as once we reached the first hole, with little instruction, she let out line to the appropriate distance and before Brad could say OK, let the next pole out – ziiiiing – the first fish was on!
I might have the count wrong, but I think we brought in 6 of the 8 or 9 we had on. All gorgeous, all wild Coho – happily back in their river.